My horoscope today says something about being especially energetic and feeling like cleaning the whole house.
Yeah, right.
If ever there were an example to prove that horoscopes are hooey, today’s would be it. I have the all the energy of a battery in my son’s remote control car. In other words, I’m totally drained.
We were up several times in the night because my son is sick. Since Saturday night, he’s had the high fever and cough virus that’s managed to blast through every family we know. Half the school must have had it by now. The other half will get it this week.
So I spent a long night with Tylenol, thermometers, cool washcloths, blankets, humidifiers, stories, and lullabies, chasing away the fever nightmares and trying to get him comfortable enough to go back to sleep.
Every parent knows exactly what it feels like to sit up all night with a sick child. The emotions are so strong – the despair when he moans and you can’t make it better, the utter relief when you feel his cheeks grow cooler and hear his breath steady out into sleep.
It’s part of the job of parent, to spend long nights battling helplessness and worry. And that’s just over a virus that we are pretty confident will eventually wear itself out and fade away. Imagine what we go through when it’s even more serious.
But we do it because we signed up for it in the very beginning. Right there, at the start, when we said, “Yes, we want a child!” we knew we were signing on for sleepless nights, bottomless fears, desperate worry, and semi-permanent exhaustion.
You’d think sane people would know better. You’d think we’d look at the list of “Known Side Effects” of parenthood and say, “Whoa, maybe we should get a cat.”
But we didn’t. We went ahead and signed on the dotted line, took the baby home, and what’s more, we took the tags off so we couldn’t return him.
And right there, in the middle of the night, when the fever made him dream of boulders falling toward him, and his hair was damp and clinging to his neck, and he couldn’t stop tossing and turning, I thought about how hard parenting is, and how I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this universe. And the reason is this: every few seconds, he kept whispering, “I love you.”
Through the fever, the bad dreams, and the miserable feelings inside, the lifeline he held on to is the same one I hold on to every day. We cling to it, knowing that we can survive anything as long as that lifeline is there. He loves me, and I love him, and eventually the fever will break, but the love will still be there, stronger than ever.
So even though this morning I don’t have the energy to make my bed, let alone clean my house, there’s a different kind of energy burning strong inside me. And that’s what makes being a parent worth it after all.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Preparing for Kindergarten
It’s the time of year to start thinking about registering 5-year-olds for kindergarten. What a scary, exciting, scary – did I mention scary? – time. And as if it weren’t scary enough, if your child has a food allergy, it’s just that much … um… scarier. (Where’s my thesaurus?) A woman on the UFAN forum asked for advice on easing her son into kindergarten. Several people answered her, and it seemed like a great topic for my blog, so here’s my two cents’ worth.
My son is in 3rd grade now, and he and his best friend have been at the same school since kindergarten and they haven't had any anaphylactic reactions at school. (Knock on wood!) We’ve been lucky, but we’ve also worked hard to prepare ourselves. You can’t completely eliminate the risk of a reaction at school, but there are lots of things you can do to minimize the risk and prepare yourself to handle it if it happens despite your best efforts.
1. Volunteer a lot, so the staff knows you and counts on you (not just for allergy issues). If the only time they see you is when there's a food allergy, then you may start feeling like they're whispering "Oh no, here she comes again." But if they see you as a "Gosh, what would we do without her" kind of volunteer, then the occasional food issue will be coming from a great mom who's making a reasonable request.
2. Becoming the class mom lets you both coordinate and participate in all special events, parties, and field trips, which gives you a lot more control over food choices at those events. If someone else is already the class mom, or you can't volunteer for that position, tell the teacher you really need to attend all parties and field trips because of the food allergy. The teacher may want to let the other parents know that you'll be selected for all the special events because of the food allergy, so that they don't think the teacher is playing favorites or something.
3. Ask the principal if there are other food allergic kids in kindergarten, and if they can possibly be assigned to the same teacher. That makes it easier for the allergic parents to trade off field-trip and party chaperone duties if necessary, it puts all the kids in the same class so that the classroom can be more allergen-free, and gives you some backup in food issues. (It's nice to NOT be the only one.) Statistically, about one in twenty kids has a food allergy, so chances are good there will be more kids than just your child in his grade.
4. Volunteer to buy all the snacks or food materials for classroom parties or food educational units (like making noodle necklaces or gingerbread houses, etc.). Usually the teacher has to buy these or request donations. So tell her if she'll collect money donations, you'll go buy all the ingredients. They're usually delighted to get out of having to shop.
5. If he's going to be having lunch at school, talk to the Lunch Lady and cafeteria monitor. Introduce your child, tell her what your child is allergic to, and let your child know that the Lunch Lady is a friend that will help keep him safe. Then remember the Lunch Lady and the cafeteria monitor on holidays with little thank you cards or gifts to show you appreciate them. Few people do that. But it will help keep your child's food issues fresh in their mind, and they'll get to know him well.
6. Ask about setting up a food table in the cafeteria just for allergic kids. The table has a sign that says allergies only, and the cafeteria monitors clean it with a separate marked bucket and cloth.
7. Make several copies of your child’s Food Allergy Action Plan and have the office staff post one in the office, give one to the lunch lady, and have the teacher post one inside her closet door or elsewhere in the classroom, so that your child's photo and "What to do in case of a reaction" instructions are handy no matter where he is. The Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network (FAAN) has a great Plan on their website here. Just have your child’s allergist fill it out and take it to school.
8. Practice with your son what he should do if he "feels funny." Role-play and pretend you're the teacher, and have him come up and tell you what's wrong. Often our kids are too shy about asking for help, so have him practice with you, and with the teacher if possible. Not only does that give your son words to use if something happens, but it helps impress upon the teacher how important it is.
9. I get on my principal's staff meeting agenda at the first of the year and give a 5-minute talk about allergies and demonstrate the EpiPen. I also give a presentation to my son's class, and all the teachers and aides he comes into contact with. If you're not comfortable doing this, ask if there are other allergic parents that you can contact. Talk to them about ways to teach the teachers -- maybe another mom would be willing to give the presentation if you get copies made of some information, or something like that. It's easier when there are two or more of you involved, trust me!
10. Remember your son can legally carry his EpiPen with him. But he probably can't administer it to himself in an emergency, so make sure the teacher and everyone else know where it is and how to use it. My son carries his in his backpack so that it's always in the classroom, and I also fill a second prescription and they keep it in the office. So he has two sets at school.
11. Be aware and be prepared, but don't panic! Kindergarten is going to be a lot of fun, and your child will do just fine. And believe it or not, so will you!
My son is in 3rd grade now, and he and his best friend have been at the same school since kindergarten and they haven't had any anaphylactic reactions at school. (Knock on wood!) We’ve been lucky, but we’ve also worked hard to prepare ourselves. You can’t completely eliminate the risk of a reaction at school, but there are lots of things you can do to minimize the risk and prepare yourself to handle it if it happens despite your best efforts.
1. Volunteer a lot, so the staff knows you and counts on you (not just for allergy issues). If the only time they see you is when there's a food allergy, then you may start feeling like they're whispering "Oh no, here she comes again." But if they see you as a "Gosh, what would we do without her" kind of volunteer, then the occasional food issue will be coming from a great mom who's making a reasonable request.
2. Becoming the class mom lets you both coordinate and participate in all special events, parties, and field trips, which gives you a lot more control over food choices at those events. If someone else is already the class mom, or you can't volunteer for that position, tell the teacher you really need to attend all parties and field trips because of the food allergy. The teacher may want to let the other parents know that you'll be selected for all the special events because of the food allergy, so that they don't think the teacher is playing favorites or something.
3. Ask the principal if there are other food allergic kids in kindergarten, and if they can possibly be assigned to the same teacher. That makes it easier for the allergic parents to trade off field-trip and party chaperone duties if necessary, it puts all the kids in the same class so that the classroom can be more allergen-free, and gives you some backup in food issues. (It's nice to NOT be the only one.) Statistically, about one in twenty kids has a food allergy, so chances are good there will be more kids than just your child in his grade.
4. Volunteer to buy all the snacks or food materials for classroom parties or food educational units (like making noodle necklaces or gingerbread houses, etc.). Usually the teacher has to buy these or request donations. So tell her if she'll collect money donations, you'll go buy all the ingredients. They're usually delighted to get out of having to shop.
5. If he's going to be having lunch at school, talk to the Lunch Lady and cafeteria monitor. Introduce your child, tell her what your child is allergic to, and let your child know that the Lunch Lady is a friend that will help keep him safe. Then remember the Lunch Lady and the cafeteria monitor on holidays with little thank you cards or gifts to show you appreciate them. Few people do that. But it will help keep your child's food issues fresh in their mind, and they'll get to know him well.
6. Ask about setting up a food table in the cafeteria just for allergic kids. The table has a sign that says allergies only, and the cafeteria monitors clean it with a separate marked bucket and cloth.
7. Make several copies of your child’s Food Allergy Action Plan and have the office staff post one in the office, give one to the lunch lady, and have the teacher post one inside her closet door or elsewhere in the classroom, so that your child's photo and "What to do in case of a reaction" instructions are handy no matter where he is. The Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network (FAAN) has a great Plan on their website here. Just have your child’s allergist fill it out and take it to school.
8. Practice with your son what he should do if he "feels funny." Role-play and pretend you're the teacher, and have him come up and tell you what's wrong. Often our kids are too shy about asking for help, so have him practice with you, and with the teacher if possible. Not only does that give your son words to use if something happens, but it helps impress upon the teacher how important it is.
9. I get on my principal's staff meeting agenda at the first of the year and give a 5-minute talk about allergies and demonstrate the EpiPen. I also give a presentation to my son's class, and all the teachers and aides he comes into contact with. If you're not comfortable doing this, ask if there are other allergic parents that you can contact. Talk to them about ways to teach the teachers -- maybe another mom would be willing to give the presentation if you get copies made of some information, or something like that. It's easier when there are two or more of you involved, trust me!
10. Remember your son can legally carry his EpiPen with him. But he probably can't administer it to himself in an emergency, so make sure the teacher and everyone else know where it is and how to use it. My son carries his in his backpack so that it's always in the classroom, and I also fill a second prescription and they keep it in the office. So he has two sets at school.
11. Be aware and be prepared, but don't panic! Kindergarten is going to be a lot of fun, and your child will do just fine. And believe it or not, so will you!
Monday, February 4, 2008
Vote for a Martha Stewart Allergy Publication!
When I was a kid, no one I knew had a food allergy. No one talked about food allergies. No one knew anything about treating them, let alone accommodating them.
Times have changed.
I think we can safely say food allergies have become mainstream knowledge when Martha Stewart considers a publication dedicated to food allergies and sensitivities! You go, Martha!
Yes, it’s true. This week on her blog, Martha Stewart is asking people to vote for their favorite of seven potential “Big Idea” projects for her to think about adding to her considerable empire. One of these Big Ideas is a publication dedicated to recipes for people with food allergies and sensitivities.
This is incredible. Even five years ago, spreading news about food allergies felt a lot like trying to shove an elephant through a pinhole. FAAN was out there on the internet, but unless you had food allergies and actively looked for information, you weren’t going to just stumble upon it. Magazines wouldn’t publish stories about food allergies (I know, I tried pitching stories to all the big parenting magazines back then). Everyone I talked to about my son’s allergies looked at me like we’d just made up stories about flying pigs.
Now, the view is completely different. Everyone seems to know someone with food allergies. Schools are aware (and adjusting slowly). The media is filled with food allergy news. Blogs and support groups are cropping up everywhere. Menus display allergy information. Registration forms ask about allergies.
And now Martha is even considering an entire publication devoted to helping people cope with food allergies and sensitivities. Good news is so welcome these days!
With one in twenty kids allergic to some sort of food now, the timing of such a publication couldn’t be better. Our numbers are doubling every five years, but despite these growing numbers, we often still feel very alone in our daily food struggles. A publication like this could give us connections, show us new recipes, give us up-to-date information, grant us a more unified voice, and help us work together to find ways to make the world safer for our kids.
I already voted for this Big Idea on Martha Stewart’s blog. Take a second and vote, too, by clicking here. One out of every twenty kids needs your click.
Times have changed.
I think we can safely say food allergies have become mainstream knowledge when Martha Stewart considers a publication dedicated to food allergies and sensitivities! You go, Martha!
Yes, it’s true. This week on her blog, Martha Stewart is asking people to vote for their favorite of seven potential “Big Idea” projects for her to think about adding to her considerable empire. One of these Big Ideas is a publication dedicated to recipes for people with food allergies and sensitivities.
This is incredible. Even five years ago, spreading news about food allergies felt a lot like trying to shove an elephant through a pinhole. FAAN was out there on the internet, but unless you had food allergies and actively looked for information, you weren’t going to just stumble upon it. Magazines wouldn’t publish stories about food allergies (I know, I tried pitching stories to all the big parenting magazines back then). Everyone I talked to about my son’s allergies looked at me like we’d just made up stories about flying pigs.
Now, the view is completely different. Everyone seems to know someone with food allergies. Schools are aware (and adjusting slowly). The media is filled with food allergy news. Blogs and support groups are cropping up everywhere. Menus display allergy information. Registration forms ask about allergies.
And now Martha is even considering an entire publication devoted to helping people cope with food allergies and sensitivities. Good news is so welcome these days!
With one in twenty kids allergic to some sort of food now, the timing of such a publication couldn’t be better. Our numbers are doubling every five years, but despite these growing numbers, we often still feel very alone in our daily food struggles. A publication like this could give us connections, show us new recipes, give us up-to-date information, grant us a more unified voice, and help us work together to find ways to make the world safer for our kids.
I already voted for this Big Idea on Martha Stewart’s blog. Take a second and vote, too, by clicking here. One out of every twenty kids needs your click.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Celebrate That Can of Soup!
One of the women on our UFAN forum this week discovered a can of Progresso soup that contains no nuts, milk, egg, gluten, or seafood (Chicken and Wild Rice flavor). In short, her son can eat it! She posted her discovery on the email list to share her joy at finding a safe “convenience food” that her son can have. All over the state, parents were quietly cheering for her. We all related to her discovery.
Non-allergic people can’t possibly understand how exciting that find was. But the rest of us on that forum know the feeling. It seems ridiculous – a simple thing like canned soup makes you weak in the knees? Come on, get a life.
Well, guess what? This IS our life. And finding a new food that your kid can consume can be as exciting as winning a new car on a game show. Trust me. Discovering Sunbutter (sunflower butter) kept me thrilled for weeks because it brought my son’s list of things he can eat for school lunch up to 3. Finding a good “safe” recipe for chocolate cake has kept my circle of friends giddy through several years’ worth of birthday parties.
Even my non-allergic friends get into this cuisine treasure hunt now. One day a friend called me from a craft store, of all places. “Let me read you this ingredients label,” she said, with nervous excitement in her voice. She read it. Not only did the ingredients sound safe, but then she read a final notice that actually explained how it was made in a factory that did NOT process nuts, eggs, milk, or other allergens.
“That sounds wonderful,” I said. “What is it?”
“Circus peanuts!” she exclaimed. Remember those orange marshmallowy peanut-shaped candies from our childhood? Who knew there was a safe brand of those floating around? Her kids aren’t allergic to anything. But she’s known us long enough that it’s become second nature to her to check ingredients labels, so when she stumbled across them, she couldn’t wait to call and let us know.
Sure, maybe we’re a little kooky because the discovery of a milk-free and nut-free brand of chocolate chips (F.M.V. at Smith’s) is cause for celebration. Perhaps we’re a tad bonkers because we spend an afternoon calling everyone we know to tell them we’ve found a safe boxed cake mix (Cherrybrook Kitchen).
Then again, life is all about the little moments that make us happy. And these discoveries are precisely that.
So next time you’re in the grocery store and you discover something new that your kid can eat, don’t be shy. Let out a whoop. Do a little dance. We’ll cheer you on.
Non-allergic people can’t possibly understand how exciting that find was. But the rest of us on that forum know the feeling. It seems ridiculous – a simple thing like canned soup makes you weak in the knees? Come on, get a life.
Well, guess what? This IS our life. And finding a new food that your kid can consume can be as exciting as winning a new car on a game show. Trust me. Discovering Sunbutter (sunflower butter) kept me thrilled for weeks because it brought my son’s list of things he can eat for school lunch up to 3. Finding a good “safe” recipe for chocolate cake has kept my circle of friends giddy through several years’ worth of birthday parties.
Even my non-allergic friends get into this cuisine treasure hunt now. One day a friend called me from a craft store, of all places. “Let me read you this ingredients label,” she said, with nervous excitement in her voice. She read it. Not only did the ingredients sound safe, but then she read a final notice that actually explained how it was made in a factory that did NOT process nuts, eggs, milk, or other allergens.
“That sounds wonderful,” I said. “What is it?”
“Circus peanuts!” she exclaimed. Remember those orange marshmallowy peanut-shaped candies from our childhood? Who knew there was a safe brand of those floating around? Her kids aren’t allergic to anything. But she’s known us long enough that it’s become second nature to her to check ingredients labels, so when she stumbled across them, she couldn’t wait to call and let us know.
Sure, maybe we’re a little kooky because the discovery of a milk-free and nut-free brand of chocolate chips (F.M.V. at Smith’s) is cause for celebration. Perhaps we’re a tad bonkers because we spend an afternoon calling everyone we know to tell them we’ve found a safe boxed cake mix (Cherrybrook Kitchen).
Then again, life is all about the little moments that make us happy. And these discoveries are precisely that.
So next time you’re in the grocery store and you discover something new that your kid can eat, don’t be shy. Let out a whoop. Do a little dance. We’ll cheer you on.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Guest Blogger: Try a Support Group
Today is a school holiday, so my son the whirlwind is home. He’s bored. I’m buried in magazine editing. My blog isn’t writing itself. Hey! Inspiration!
“Oh, Sweetie!” I call out. “Want to write my blog today?”
“Yeah!” he yells, switches off the TV, and comes running.
Bless his heart. If I’d said, “Your homework assignment is to write my blog today,” he’d have sulked and vanished into the couch cushions. But since it’s not homework, but a relished opportunity to have his words published online, he’s all over it.
So, please welcome my guest blogger today. His topic? Why parents and their kids might enjoy coming to a UFAN support group meeting. Once again, his flair for the dramatic is obvious. But as a proponent of free speech, I promise not to edit.
******
As you may already know, my mom leads the UFAN Davis County chapter. ATTENTION PARENTS!!! If you have any children with food allergies, this will be a very important meeting that you go see with your children. If you are worried about one of your children having an allergy reaction, I would suggest coming. Allergists sometimes do not give much information when you wind up with a child with food allergies. Stay away from one that when it is confirmed you have a food allergenic child says, “ Oh, your child has a food allergy to such-and-such. Stay away from this food.” Because that’s the quote that almost killed me.
HEY KIDS!!! It’s really fun going to the meetings—hey, I’m 9 and I like it!! It’s really not the kind of meeting that your mom goes to that practically puts you to sleep. It’s actually sort of fun!
Your friend,
Me
******
There you go. I promised not to edit, but that doesn’t mean I can’t comment. I need to explain “the quote that almost killed me.” He doesn’t mean that, of course. What he does mean is that the only advice the first allergist we saw said was, “Stay away from peanut butter.” He didn’t tell us about epi-pens, cross-contamination, reading ingredients labels, or even what a reaction would be like. I walked out of the office oblivious to the dangers of food allergies. If I hadn’t researched it on my own, we could have had some life-threatening situations, based on the lack of information we got from that doctor.
But now we have a board-certified doctor who is far more interested in making sure his patients are armed with the resources they need to survive. But even he doesn’t have the time to hand-hold us through all our questions, obstacles, and worries.
And that’s where a support group comes in. When my son was first diagnosed, there was no support group. Now UFAN exists, and we have support groups in Salt Lake, Davis County, and Tooele to draw on for suggestions, help, advice, commiseration, and even recipes. So, if you’re in the Davis County area (or even if you’re not), and you’d like to join us, we meet on the second Wednesday of every month. Watch our website (www.utahfoodallergy.org) for details on our chapter as well as the other chapters. Hope to see you soon.
“Oh, Sweetie!” I call out. “Want to write my blog today?”
“Yeah!” he yells, switches off the TV, and comes running.
Bless his heart. If I’d said, “Your homework assignment is to write my blog today,” he’d have sulked and vanished into the couch cushions. But since it’s not homework, but a relished opportunity to have his words published online, he’s all over it.
So, please welcome my guest blogger today. His topic? Why parents and their kids might enjoy coming to a UFAN support group meeting. Once again, his flair for the dramatic is obvious. But as a proponent of free speech, I promise not to edit.
******
As you may already know, my mom leads the UFAN Davis County chapter. ATTENTION PARENTS!!! If you have any children with food allergies, this will be a very important meeting that you go see with your children. If you are worried about one of your children having an allergy reaction, I would suggest coming. Allergists sometimes do not give much information when you wind up with a child with food allergies. Stay away from one that when it is confirmed you have a food allergenic child says, “ Oh, your child has a food allergy to such-and-such. Stay away from this food.” Because that’s the quote that almost killed me.
HEY KIDS!!! It’s really fun going to the meetings—hey, I’m 9 and I like it!! It’s really not the kind of meeting that your mom goes to that practically puts you to sleep. It’s actually sort of fun!
Your friend,
Me
******
There you go. I promised not to edit, but that doesn’t mean I can’t comment. I need to explain “the quote that almost killed me.” He doesn’t mean that, of course. What he does mean is that the only advice the first allergist we saw said was, “Stay away from peanut butter.” He didn’t tell us about epi-pens, cross-contamination, reading ingredients labels, or even what a reaction would be like. I walked out of the office oblivious to the dangers of food allergies. If I hadn’t researched it on my own, we could have had some life-threatening situations, based on the lack of information we got from that doctor.
But now we have a board-certified doctor who is far more interested in making sure his patients are armed with the resources they need to survive. But even he doesn’t have the time to hand-hold us through all our questions, obstacles, and worries.
And that’s where a support group comes in. When my son was first diagnosed, there was no support group. Now UFAN exists, and we have support groups in Salt Lake, Davis County, and Tooele to draw on for suggestions, help, advice, commiseration, and even recipes. So, if you’re in the Davis County area (or even if you’re not), and you’d like to join us, we meet on the second Wednesday of every month. Watch our website (www.utahfoodallergy.org) for details on our chapter as well as the other chapters. Hope to see you soon.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Breaking Our American Food Obsession
Americans are obsessed with food. It’s one of our worst habits (aside from invading countries, exporting bad dramas, consuming the majority of world resources, and gloating as morons humiliate themselves on reality TV shows). As a culture, we adults have become so food-driven that we can’t conceive of having any sort of social function without involving food. It’s the ultimate crutch – “Well, if we can’t think of anything to say, we can always eat something.”
Want to get together with a friend for an hour? Let’s do lunch or grab a coffee.
Want to go see a movie? Let’s get a large popcorn, even though we just had dinner.
Kids’ play date? Let’s bring snacks.
Business meeting? Order doughnuts.
Going to a kids’ soccer game, in which we actually get them outside running around? Quick, make an assignment list so we know who’s bringing the Oreos and Kool-Aid. Our kids can’t possibly last one whole hour without refined sugar coursing through their blood stream.
Science Fair award ceremony? We’d better order refreshments, ‘cause nothing says “Good job dissecting that cow’s eyeball” like a dry, store-bought, prefabricated chocolate chip cookie (speaking of science experiments…).
It’s obscene. No wonder we are a nation known for our obesity. (Not to mention diabetes, high blood pressure, and other health problems.)
The thing is, kids aren’t born like that. We go to great pains to teach them this behavior.
Adults would never leave half a cookie uneaten on a plate. Kids do. All the time. They get full (or bored) and they stop eating. Whoa, just try and find an adult that can do that! To most kids, snacks are cool, but playing is better. Ask a kid: Would you rather have a pizza or a new Legos set (or Barbie, video game, or ticket to the latest movie)? I guarantee you the kid will pick the new toy or movie.
This food obsession is an adult one. We force it onto our kids. It starts early, and we reinforce it hard. So by the time they’ve become teenagers, they’re firmly locked into the unhealthy eating habits that characterize America.
The frustrating part is, even if we try to break the habit in our families, our teachers do it.
Although our school has a well-known policy against using food in the classroom as rewards, we still have incidents crop up every month or two where we have to re-educate teachers or parents or substitutes about it. That’s just going to be the way it is, as long as adults are involved in our school. “The class that does the best Nutrition presentation gets a pizza party! Right after lunch! Yea!” (Hunh? Yep, an adult would dream that one up. The kids would rather get a free hour on the playground. No brainer. But no one ever asks the kids. We just apply our tiny little restricted adult brains to the problem and come up with… wait, I know! Food!)
Now, a friend of mine in another school is attempting to introduce the idea that using food as a reward is a non-useful teaching tool. (She doesn't have food allergy issues. She does, however, worry about her kids developing unhealthy approaches to food.) At her community council meeting when she brought this up, she encountered the resistance all adults throw up when faced with change. The immediate reaction was “How on earth could we NOT use Tootsie Rolls as rewards for getting right answers?”
Right there, I see two problems. First, they’re using food as a reward – bad American habit! Second, they’re REWARDING kids for getting a right answer. What? We have to bribe our kids to answer every question, now? That’s setting up a true sense of entitlement – another one of American society’s big ills right now. Getting a good grade is the reward. A sense of accomplishment is a reward. Praise from the teacher (“Good answer, Freddy”) is a reward. Our kids are being turned into guinea pigs who have to ring a bell to get a pellet. But that’s a different issue for a different day.
Anyway, my friend has asked for help coming up with a list of ways to reward kids for school participation without using food.
Any ideas? If you have suggestions for easy, cheap, fast non-food rewards that teachers can use, let me know (post a comment). I’ll start compiling a list. Then I’ll sit down with my friend and help her come up with a proposal.
We’ll do it over lunch.
Want to get together with a friend for an hour? Let’s do lunch or grab a coffee.
Want to go see a movie? Let’s get a large popcorn, even though we just had dinner.
Kids’ play date? Let’s bring snacks.
Business meeting? Order doughnuts.
Going to a kids’ soccer game, in which we actually get them outside running around? Quick, make an assignment list so we know who’s bringing the Oreos and Kool-Aid. Our kids can’t possibly last one whole hour without refined sugar coursing through their blood stream.
Science Fair award ceremony? We’d better order refreshments, ‘cause nothing says “Good job dissecting that cow’s eyeball” like a dry, store-bought, prefabricated chocolate chip cookie (speaking of science experiments…).
It’s obscene. No wonder we are a nation known for our obesity. (Not to mention diabetes, high blood pressure, and other health problems.)
The thing is, kids aren’t born like that. We go to great pains to teach them this behavior.
Adults would never leave half a cookie uneaten on a plate. Kids do. All the time. They get full (or bored) and they stop eating. Whoa, just try and find an adult that can do that! To most kids, snacks are cool, but playing is better. Ask a kid: Would you rather have a pizza or a new Legos set (or Barbie, video game, or ticket to the latest movie)? I guarantee you the kid will pick the new toy or movie.
This food obsession is an adult one. We force it onto our kids. It starts early, and we reinforce it hard. So by the time they’ve become teenagers, they’re firmly locked into the unhealthy eating habits that characterize America.
The frustrating part is, even if we try to break the habit in our families, our teachers do it.
Although our school has a well-known policy against using food in the classroom as rewards, we still have incidents crop up every month or two where we have to re-educate teachers or parents or substitutes about it. That’s just going to be the way it is, as long as adults are involved in our school. “The class that does the best Nutrition presentation gets a pizza party! Right after lunch! Yea!” (Hunh? Yep, an adult would dream that one up. The kids would rather get a free hour on the playground. No brainer. But no one ever asks the kids. We just apply our tiny little restricted adult brains to the problem and come up with… wait, I know! Food!)
Now, a friend of mine in another school is attempting to introduce the idea that using food as a reward is a non-useful teaching tool. (She doesn't have food allergy issues. She does, however, worry about her kids developing unhealthy approaches to food.) At her community council meeting when she brought this up, she encountered the resistance all adults throw up when faced with change. The immediate reaction was “How on earth could we NOT use Tootsie Rolls as rewards for getting right answers?”
Right there, I see two problems. First, they’re using food as a reward – bad American habit! Second, they’re REWARDING kids for getting a right answer. What? We have to bribe our kids to answer every question, now? That’s setting up a true sense of entitlement – another one of American society’s big ills right now. Getting a good grade is the reward. A sense of accomplishment is a reward. Praise from the teacher (“Good answer, Freddy”) is a reward. Our kids are being turned into guinea pigs who have to ring a bell to get a pellet. But that’s a different issue for a different day.
Anyway, my friend has asked for help coming up with a list of ways to reward kids for school participation without using food.
Any ideas? If you have suggestions for easy, cheap, fast non-food rewards that teachers can use, let me know (post a comment). I’ll start compiling a list. Then I’ll sit down with my friend and help her come up with a proposal.
We’ll do it over lunch.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Warming Up January Days
You know the saying:
Thirty days have September,
April, June, and November.
All the rest have 31,
Except for January and February…
Which have 80.
Ah, winter. January is only a week old, and yet it feels like it’s been here for ages. How can a winter day drag on forever, but still be so short it’s dark before you get anything done? Just my luck. I’m always wishing for longer days, 8-day weeks, and 6-week months, but I’d prefer them to be of the warmer, brighter variety.
Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers, I suppose. (Although I’m going to work on making my begging more specific.)
Still, it’s nice to get a new year underway, even if it does have the poor graces to begin with January.
We began our new year by going to a New Year’s Eve party at a dear friend’s house. Because we all take our kids, we celebrate the new year on New York City time, set off firecrackers in the snow at 10:00 pm, and go home to drop into bed. We’re such party animals.
Anyway, the party was a “dessert party,” so each family brought a sweet treat to snack on while we waited for the ball to drop (or the kids to explode, whichever came first). This was mostly a different group of friends than those who had the Christmas party in December, but the same two kids with food allergies were invited (my son and his best friend). So for the 24 hours before the party, I received phone calls asking, “Can I read you the ingredients label on this? I want to make sure what I’m bringing is safe.”
Again, I am overwhelmed by the generosity, caring, and consideration of friends. They don’t grumble. They don’t make a big issue out of it. They don’t ignore the allergies and bring a nut roll anyway. They thumb through recipes, ask about substitutions, and try out new combinations. They view it as a chance to experiment, rather than a cramp in their style. They can’t even imagine having a party where the two boys would be at risk. To them, it seems to be just a tangible way for them to express their friendship with us.
Now that I think about it, with friends like that, even January days seem warmer.
Thirty days have September,
April, June, and November.
All the rest have 31,
Except for January and February…
Which have 80.
Ah, winter. January is only a week old, and yet it feels like it’s been here for ages. How can a winter day drag on forever, but still be so short it’s dark before you get anything done? Just my luck. I’m always wishing for longer days, 8-day weeks, and 6-week months, but I’d prefer them to be of the warmer, brighter variety.
Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers, I suppose. (Although I’m going to work on making my begging more specific.)
Still, it’s nice to get a new year underway, even if it does have the poor graces to begin with January.
We began our new year by going to a New Year’s Eve party at a dear friend’s house. Because we all take our kids, we celebrate the new year on New York City time, set off firecrackers in the snow at 10:00 pm, and go home to drop into bed. We’re such party animals.
Anyway, the party was a “dessert party,” so each family brought a sweet treat to snack on while we waited for the ball to drop (or the kids to explode, whichever came first). This was mostly a different group of friends than those who had the Christmas party in December, but the same two kids with food allergies were invited (my son and his best friend). So for the 24 hours before the party, I received phone calls asking, “Can I read you the ingredients label on this? I want to make sure what I’m bringing is safe.”
Again, I am overwhelmed by the generosity, caring, and consideration of friends. They don’t grumble. They don’t make a big issue out of it. They don’t ignore the allergies and bring a nut roll anyway. They thumb through recipes, ask about substitutions, and try out new combinations. They view it as a chance to experiment, rather than a cramp in their style. They can’t even imagine having a party where the two boys would be at risk. To them, it seems to be just a tangible way for them to express their friendship with us.
Now that I think about it, with friends like that, even January days seem warmer.
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